Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
