Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
