I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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