i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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