But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
