Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
