dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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