We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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