I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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