I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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