Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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