his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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