Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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