I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
