"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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