I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
