I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
