bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
