That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
