dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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