3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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