clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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