You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
