We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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