i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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