my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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