Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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