I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
