you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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