im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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