piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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