I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
