Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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