Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
