I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
