It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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