What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
