Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
