I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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