This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
