Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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