pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
