awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
