Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
