Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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