Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
honey bunches of taint.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
