Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
