My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
