I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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