I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Rumble strips road head = magical
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
