HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
